Woman suspicious of Greek Chorus following her

Katie Clemson (37) has voiced concern about being stalked by a large collection of masked dancers wearing togas. 'I admit I've made one or two dubious life decisions, but does it really warrant twenty eight stanzas on why I should grow my fringe back?'

The Chorus appeared shortly after Katie had made her New Year's resolutions: 'They'd make all these snide comments about how I'd never finish dry January or fit back into my skinny jeans. They trashed talked my job, my love life, then even tutted everytime I forgot to take out the bins.'

Katie was adamant she had nothing to apologise for and she refused to get drawn into the Chorus' criticism of her choice of curtains. 'Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a mother to murder and a father to marry.'

Image: RobinHiggins | Pixabay

Dysfunctional jam factory unable to guarantee jam tomorrow

A production manager at a factory exclusively making fruit-based preserves, but where none of the equipment is working, has been criticised for his constant jam and time based promises.

After yet another serious mechanical breakdown, Mike McBride, 57, called everyone together for a briefing to let them know his hopes for production the following day.

One disgruntled worker said 'I'm sick of his empty promises. And these empty jars. And our soon-to-be empty pay packets.'

'That's a bit unfair', retorted McBride. 'Its unfortunate that our production output today has not been in line with expected targets, but if the machines get fixed, I remain hopeful of delivering some preserve-based products in the forthcoming 24-hour period.'

The criticism caps a difficult few months for McBride who lost his last job as a manager in factory making meat products wrapped in pastry for airlines. His production targets were dismissed as 'pie in the sky'.

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