
The BBC has apologised for broadcasting a marmalade based tirade delivered by Paddington Bear during the 2026 BAFTAs ceremony. The heckle was considered particularly offensive due to it happening while two representatives of the jam industry were presenting an award for best use of a non-citrus toast topper in a television drama.
As the jam executives took to the stage, viewers watching the live coverage were to hear cries of 'jam w**kers', emitting from a table nearby where the marmalade-eating Peruvian was known to be seated.
Later, when Paddington made his scheduled appearance on stage himself to present the award for best children's and family entertainment programme, viewers were shocked when he slammed a jar of marmalade onto the podium and declared, 'this is what a breakfast condiment looks like, you f***ers!'
Viewers were later told by host, Alan Cumming, that anyone who has seen Paddington or any of its sequels will know that South American bears have close to no control when talking about, or in the presence of, the citrus fruit preserve, be it raw from the jar or in sandwich form, and that while they apologised for any offence caused, it's equally important that we have a conversation about our relationship with the tangy breakfast favourite made from the juice and peel of oranges. However, several witnesses to the event denied that any such condition existed, and said that the usually timid bear arrived at the ceremony already off his tits on 25 jars of Robinson's Golden Shred.
Image: aitoff - Pixabay

President Trump is said to be dismayed by a Supreme Court decision that demanding every US state erect a statue of him outside the state government building; and an image of him prominently displayed in every classroom; along with a requirement that every lesson begins with students swearing allegiance to him is a breach of his executive power.
Meanwhile, ICE agents have been arresting Yanks who post on social media, that satirists should describe Tuesday’s State of the Union speech, as "what an effing state the union is now in"; and telling voters in the Gorton and Denton by-election to take note that if they vote for Reform UK, they aren’t voting for the same chaos that Americans are suffering, but something far worse.
The International Statue Makers’ union is urging its members to build statues out of a plastic that is easily destroyed and washed away by acid rain, but UK water companies are complaining that the cost of removing dissolved statue plastic, will inevitably result in increased customer bills, so their directors’ bonuses can be maintained.
Image: Wix AI




