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Good vet gets plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet


Diners at a Liverpool Street bistro looked on in utter disbelief as a good vet got a plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet again.


Hedge Fund Investor, Tim Shannon, ordered Cannon of Lamb cooked medium-rare. He said: ‘I'm not squeamish but when it came it was almost swimming in blood. I mentioned to my colleague “a good vet could get that back on its feet again" and with that all hell broke loose.


‘Some chap shouts out, "stand back, I’m a vet!” He then shoos us away from our table and erects a makeshift screen around it using a few tablecloths.


‘We hear a bit of puffing and panting, then to everyone’s amazement a bleating sound. Next thing we see is the chap emerging from behind the screen carrying this beautiful fluffy lamb.’


Restaurant Proprietor, Gyles Pettigrew, told reporters. ‘It was amazing and publicity has done us no harm.'


When asked how the lamb was doing after the ordeal, Pettigrew added: 'Oh, the little fellow is just fine. He’s out the back in the freezer preparing to guest star in Wednesday's Gourmet Evening.'




First published 29 May 2023


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Today's Christmas Card report


Christmas Card Report issued by NewsBiscuit for today, Sunday 14th December, at 1000.


Glitter: pleasantly declining, good, but outlook remains unclear.


Animals: Robins 5, Kingfisher 1, Highland Cattle 8


Incorrect Addresses: 1


Who's that one from? 1, Hungary, no postmark, solved, good.


Self-made: 2, show offs, rising.



Image credit: perchance.org

One in, one out policy doesn’t apply to animals


The Home Office has confirmed that the one in, one out policy for asylum seekers will not apply to animals.


A recent test case involved a foreign asylum seeker called Noah, who arrived in a small boat with lots of animals. Two of each kind of animal, in fact.  Officials considered deporting some of the animals under the one in, one out policy, but lawyers advised that this could be considered inhumane. They considered deporting Noah, but they didn’t fancy looking after all the animals. ‘That boat is pretty smelly,’ confided one Border Force official.


A spokesman said that the Home Office always kept its policies under review and that, although the agreement with France did not appear to extend to animals, it was arguable that it should. However, for the time being, Britain is not prepared to take a case to the European Court in order to get a definitive answer.


image from pixabay

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