Brave Brits fighting back against do-gooders

An underground movement of heroic Britons is finally poised to take on the anti-growth, probably bearded, woke fanatics who are trying to destroy our British way of life with pronouns, improved energy efficiency and vaccines. Bastards.

Barry Evans (45) of Wolverhampton is one of the rebels. 'They want us to insulate our lofts, which seems reasonable till you realise it’s the thin end of the wedge. Next they’ll ask us all to hug a baby seal or eat vegan sausage rolls. If I wanted nature I’d put David Attenborough on.'

Barry isn’t alone. Well, obviously he is, but he isn’t the only rebel. Pete Housman (43) from Rotherham told us 'These do-gooders make me want to puke. They go on about fracking but the yanks have it and they pay about twenty pee a gallon. It isn’t as if Britain has its own supply of petrol. What? The North Sea? Isn’t that in France or something?'

Darren Wimborne (44) from Bristol is still angry about the Covid lockdowns. 'We’ve become a fascist state where an Englishman can’t go about his lawful business,' he told reporters. 'If I want an avoidable death I’ll bloody have one. It’s in the Magna Carta.'

Rebels have threatened to dress up as superheroes and burn effigies of Eddie Izzard unless the Black Lives Matter movement renames itself Every Life Matters. Other protest activities include folding their arms in the pub, adopting a smug expression, making jokes about "feeble" vegans and retweeting whatever Piers Morgan just said.

In what may be their master stroke, Bill Gates is unable to track them because they haven’t been vaccinated, so he’s having to waste his time curing malaria and other woke nonsense instead. That’ll teach him.

www.newsbiscuit.com

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/clker-free-vector-images-3736/

Goverment to replace navy with "impregnable ring of sewage" around Britain

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Fears grow that migrants may be able to raft to Britain on a torrent of French @rse sweat

EDL spokes-wazzock, Andy Notherthing, has voiced concerns from across the bigot community.

'I have a mate who knows someone who can read, and he says he saw this article on Wikipedia that reckons sweat is lighter than saltwater. Everyone knows that French swelter like a glassblower's arse - even in winter. But, what with this long hot spell, sweat will be gushing down their rivers to the coast like a reverse Severn Bore.

'Your crafty migrant could probably surf their way across the channel on waves of French perspiration. Our navy should be firing depth charges filled with Lynx into the English Channel'.