Falkland Islands liberate Britain from evil tyranny

The mighty Falklands of the South Atlantic has freed little Britain from a brutal dictatorship.

In a decisive action, the Falklands sent its entire fleet thousands of miles north to British waters. A 200 mile exclusion zone was declared around the islands, while the Falklands conducted strategic operations to repel the oppressive Conservative regime.

A journalist stationed aboard one of the naval vessels reported, 'I am not allowed to say how many took part in the liberation of Britain, but I counted them both out, and I counted them both back.'

And a Falklands tabloid paper has this morning run a full front page headline simply stating, "Gotcha".

Heroic leader of the Falklands, Alison Blake declared, 'It was simply not right to stand by and do nothing while Britain fell to such a despicable tyranny. Our only regret is that we didn't step in earlier. Desire the Right! The glorious sheep of the Falklands flag flies proud over the British Isles today.'

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image from pixabay

What's the German for coup d'état?

Brave Brits fighting back against do-gooders

An underground movement of heroic Britons is finally poised to take on the anti-growth, probably bearded, woke fanatics who are trying to destroy our British way of life with pronouns, improved energy efficiency and vaccines. Bastards.

Barry Evans (45) of Wolverhampton is one of the rebels. 'They want us to insulate our lofts, which seems reasonable till you realise it’s the thin end of the wedge. Next they’ll ask us all to hug a baby seal or eat vegan sausage rolls. If I wanted nature I’d put David Attenborough on.'

Barry isn’t alone. Well, obviously he is, but he isn’t the only rebel. Pete Housman (43) from Rotherham told us 'These do-gooders make me want to puke. They go on about fracking but the yanks have it and they pay about twenty pee a gallon. It isn’t as if Britain has its own supply of petrol. What? The North Sea? Isn’t that in France or something?'

Darren Wimborne (44) from Bristol is still angry about the Covid lockdowns. 'We’ve become a fascist state where an Englishman can’t go about his lawful business,' he told reporters. 'If I want an avoidable death I’ll bloody have one. It’s in the Magna Carta.'

Rebels have threatened to dress up as superheroes and burn effigies of Eddie Izzard unless the Black Lives Matter movement renames itself Every Life Matters. Other protest activities include folding their arms in the pub, adopting a smug expression, making jokes about "feeble" vegans and retweeting whatever Piers Morgan just said.

In what may be their master stroke, Bill Gates is unable to track them because they haven’t been vaccinated, so he’s having to waste his time curing malaria and other woke nonsense instead. That’ll teach him.

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photo: https://pixabay.com/users/clker-free-vector-images-3736/