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Plot of Inception hailed 'visionary' as Uxbridge folds over on itself


Following the plot structure of the 2010 movie Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio, half of Uxbridge has bent upwards towards the sky and then folded back over to a point which seems surreal, but is oddly compelling.


A slight majority of residents are unable to follow the plot of a Peppa Pig episode, never mind the complexities of a Christopher Nolan film. Unable to process the meaning of a Cobb's totem which has been spinning perpetually since 2015, they elected to stick with a Conservative MP because perpetual spin is something they keep being told is good for them.


A local woman who wasn't still being smashed in the face by a Conservative Party activist said, 'Uxbridge sounds lovely, but look at the state of it. Anyone who comes to live here willingly is a white ghillie suit short of a tundra scenario.'


Unable to wake up from a nightmare within a nightmare, the people of Uxbridge are now left in a zero G van crash going over the side of a garden bridge in sloooooooow motion.




Tory plan to help with winter fuel costs by bottling continental hot air


In a last ditch ploy to salvage Thursday’s by-elections, Rishi Sunak has promised to send a convoy of milk floats loaded with empty bottles to Italy, so they can return filled with warm air.


Under the plan, these will be handed out to everyone who can prove they voted Tory. Voters who wish to take advantage of the scheme will merely have to take a photograph of their completed ballot paper to show to the Tory campaign team member tasked with distributing the bottles of warm air.


The National Union of Milkmen is urging its members not to participate, however milkman Dave Simmonds said 'It’s the only chance of a trip abroad I’m likely to get this year, so I won’t be doing what the union wants.'


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/garten-gg-201217/

Uxbridge By-Election Candidate List



Cameron Nobody - Independent


Count Binface - At This Rate We’re Going To Win Party


Piers Corbyn - Unthinkable Love Child Party


Laurence Fox - Reclaim Credibility Party


Chester Aubergine - Social Democratic (Same Manifesto Different Name) Party


Ed Gemmell - Sod The Economy & Welfare State We’re Just Interested In The Climate Party


Sarah Green - Blue Peter Party


Kingsley Hamilton - Financial Times


Richard Hewison - Rejoin EU (Another F#@king Referendum) Party


Boris Johnson - Official Monster Raving Loony Party


77 Joseph - Which AI Doombot Party


Rebecca Jane - UKIP Timewarp Party


Loretta - People’s Front of Judea


Leo Phaure - Daily Mail White Residence Rat-Catching Party


Ivor De’Ath-Whyshe - Conservative Party


Richard Pryor - None Of The Above




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