Man ponders next move after getting ‘Regards’ email signoff

A man has been left confused and unsure of what to do next after receiving an email from a work colleague using the sign-off ‘Regards’.

Pete McBride, 47, assistant sales manager in a car leasing company received the cryptic response after innocuously asking a co-worker if they’d managed to put together the spreadsheet with the sales forecasts for the next 3 months.

‘I asked Rich the question with my usual email request sandwich’ explained an agitated McBride. ‘You know the one,: ‘I hope you are keeping well…have you got the sales spreadsheet….Look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours, Pete’.

‘I flicked it across to Rich, waited a few hours, and then got back from lunch and found this grenade in my inbox: ‘Hi Pete, haven’t done this yet. Will get round to it when I can. Regards, Rich’.

‘Have to admit, it’s totally floored me’, continued McBride. No ‘best wishes’, ‘kind regards’, or even the slightly annoying but obviously affectionate ‘KR’. ‘I mean, is he going to do the sodding spreadsheet or not? His passive-aggressive ‘Regards’, clearly delivered with that condescending raise of the eyebrows and that arrogant little sneer he has suggests not. Wanker’.

McBride is now considering his next move , weighing up the relative benefits and costs of a capitalised ‘THIS IS NOW URGENT!!!’ Subject line along with the universally hated ‘Best’ signoff, versus a short ‘thanks Rich, copying Helen and the top team in for information’, along with a CC to Helen, the regional sales manager and 10 other senior executives.

‘I’m just not prepared to put up with this crap’, continued McBride. ‘I don’t want to, but if I have to, I’ll send it again with the atomic bomb signoff ‘Please Advise’. I’ve got nothing to lose’.

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US bids for no trumps

A large majority of the the USA Bridge Association has been troubled over a search to replace the word trumps.

'Obviously the concept of trumps is critical to the game of bridge,' said spokesman Ace High, 'but since the last presidential election, this word has begun to stick in the throats of so many of our members. If you think about it, the lowest trump card beats the highest of the other three suits, pretty galling as a political metaphor these days. So this has led to a rash of wildly overbidding no trumps. We need an acceptable word to replace trumps, and farts is not acceptable.'

'On the other hand there is also a movement in favour of finding a replacement name for the present POTUS, with IMPOTUS taking an early lead. Since then others like Orange Man Baby, Fat Fart, Mr T, Prink with no balls, and Moscow Donny have been gaining support.

Elsewhere, Melania Trump has recently got a Queen of Spades tattoo.

Image: Jack Hamilton (@jacc) | Unsplash Photo Community