- Lockjaw
- Mar 12, 2022
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A Chinese woman resident in the UK has been trying to improperly influence parliamentarians according to an interference warning issued by government.
'What she has been doing is unacceptable,' said a Downing Street source. 'She has followed all of the correct procedures and acted completely appropriately at all times, and that's just not the way we do things around here.'
'What she should have done is conducted herself in a shady, underhand manner and attempted to influence politicians in corrupt ways. She would have been much more successful if she had bribed us or thrown some sort of illegal party.'
The UK government had been forced to deny the charge, that Beijing espionage has been disrupted by Barry Gardiner completely failing to influence events or wield any kind of power.
A Beijing spokeswoman said: ‘It soon became apparent that not one of these idiot MPs knew any secrets worth a damn. We’ve squandered millions in bribes, only to discover that your average UK politician has all the pull of a toddler on a tug of war team’.
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