'Big Dog Big Eats' cookbook launched by Tory party

Jacob Rees-Mogg today announces that he has teamed up with fellow Tory progeny Nigella Lawson to launch a cookbook aimed at helping the UK population through the cost of living crisis.

“Big Dog Big Eats : Cooking on a Stirrip leather” aims to give the voting public the tools to make the most of the store cupboard items to make delicious meals.

Tory politicians past and present have submitted recipes to thrill and get the taste buds salivating. These include:

• Gove’s foie gras and sourdough blinis

• Priti’s pomodorro pasta with phoenix steak

• Ben Wallace’s wagyu burgers with white truffle jus

• Coffey’s Kopi Luwak coffee and truffle cake

• Cameron’s braised pig’s lips and trotter stew

• Osborne’s coke and sherbet surprise

• Malthouse’s caviar and single malt

• Shappanade - Grant Shapps take on the classic tapenade

'These are the essentials that everyone needs their maids, cooks and help, to know how to make, using just a few simple ingredients that everybody should have in their pantries,' said Rees-Mogg at the book launch.

Jack Monroe to get BBC cooking series

Jack Monroe, the heroic food poverty campaigner has beaten celebrity chefs in winning the contract to replace the popular series Can't Cook, Won't Cook after the other hopefuls pulled out once they were told the meal budget would be limited to 30p.

The new show, entitled “Illegitimi non carborundum”, will show viewers with limited budgets how to dine as well as the inmates of Wandsworth prison are able to. Jack will in fact, be accompanied by ex-Wandsworth prison inmate, 'Double Barrel' Bruno who will not only act as a judge of the quality of the meals, but demonstrate useful tips on how the budget can be extended by beating the shit out of Eton students until they hand over their dinner money.

Politicians have been invited to appear on the programme, but so far only Labour, the Lib Dems and SNP have responded to the invitations. Ian Blackford is seen to be particularly keen to complement 'Double Barrel' Bruno’s advice with oratory to accompany why the extortion of pocket money from Eton students, is a kindness they won’t regret.

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