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Hollywood remembers Actor - just not very accurately


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A Hollywood legend has passed. Colleagues waxed lyrical in the blandest of terms. Friends spoke of his untimely death caused by a lifestyle of doing things that will kill you. Followed by gushing tributes from people he owed money to.


Fortunately his obituary provided a translation for those not versed in Hollywood speak, he was described as a loving husband (meaning gay). A devoted father (so a cuckold then). The life and soul (a drunk). An Artist (unprofitable). A Visionary (bat $hit crazy). And uncompromising (definitely racist).


One Director described him as a mercurial talent (which means always late for work). An Action Hero (so he couldn't act). A Heartthrob (he definitely couldn't act). And was a firm Fan's favourite (so, hated by cast and crew).


He was one of the greats - old school (so a nonce, basically).



Starmer's Charge of the Light-Weight Brigade


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With a rallying call, like a goose farting in the fog, Field Marshall Starmer summoned his EU counterparts. With a coalition of the whining, he pitched a four point plan, where all four points were 'hope Russia surrenders'. Reading from the back of a fag packet he quoted:


'Half a league, half a league -' As aide whispered something in his ear. 'Really? Six hundred miles to Moscow? Not half a league?' The aide shook his head. Starmer restarted. 'Into the valley of victory, with absolutely zero casualties - What, what is it now?' The aide whispered. 'What do you mean valley of death? Do you know nothing about optics? Don't interrupt. Now where was I? Into the valley of victory rode £6bn for money laundering purposes. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left...hmm, are you sure this isn't a cover of Stealer's Wheel?'


image from pixabay



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