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There were celebrations across Russia last night upon the countries' victory in the third Russiavision Song Contest, their third victory running. 



The contest, sponsored by the Kremlin, prides itself as being much better than the 'biased' and 'hateful' Eurovision Song Contest and is open to anyone who wants to enter (provided of course that they're Russian and straight).



The winning song, 'All Hail President Putin' from Russia, stormed to first place with over 70% of the vote. This left 'We Love You Premier Putin' (also from Russia) and 'Putin is my God' (yep, Russia too) lagging far behind. In last place was the song 'Let's Hold Hands and All Be Friends' by Nikolai Vinogradov, who was apparently last seen being escorted out of the stadium and has since vanished.



A Kremlin spokesman said "we're so proud of our winners, they embody what Russia is all about... showing blind loyalty to our wise and virile President. We look forward to next year's contest, where anything could happen up until the point Russia wins again"



It is hoped by many that this will be the precursor to a successful 2025 Russialympics in the summer, with the entrants hoping to match their victory tally from winter games of 100% gold, 100% silver and 100% bronze.



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Q:  Can everyone see what total knobs Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Elon Musk are, or am I wearing magic glasses?


Q:  My wife assured me her 'Mrs Always Right' mug was microwave safe.  It turns out it wasn't.  How does one proceed from a marital point of view?


Q:  Given that wars are generally fought over invisible things - borders, gods, principles etc. - can I invade the Houses of Parliament over my pension?


Q:  I am putting out a petition calling for the OED to redefine the word 'celebrity' - any takers?


Q:  It struck me that the European response to any world conflict would be doomed if it was centred around EU or NATO military collaborations.  Would it be better to proceed with a Eurovision Alliance?



Footnote: Pibling is a word. Google it.


Scary picture credit: Wix AI

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