Washington has finally found a way around the problem of the embarrassing number of octogenarians jostling to become the next resident of the White House. With assistance from the American Kennel Club, each geriatric candidate has been assigned a new canine age.
Congressman Winthrop Stoad III of Georgia, 94, has just entered the contest as a 31-year-old. 'It helps people forget that I've been in Congress since 1948 and voted for Jim Crow laws right through the 1950s,' he explains.
However, candidate Senator Bill Wilks of Massachusetts, 38, is not happy: 'My new age is 10 and my campaign manager has just been arrested for child trafficking.'
Joe Biden is also having problems adjusting to being caninised. 'He's taking the whole dog thing too seriously,' complains one of his aides. 'I wish he'd stop barking and trying to hump my leg.'
First published 15 Jun 2023
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A Qualifications Scotland spokesperson has defended a controversial Higher Maths paper after pupils said that it was "unrecognisable" from the paper they had prepared for in class. The pupils said that the wording of the questions was so confusing that they did not know what was being asked.
Sir Humphrey responded: " A constriction of the channels of communication, that culminated in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis may have lead to the mix-up. Whilst we accept that there is a real dilemma here, in that, while it has been exam board policy to regard the responsibility of teachers and adjudicators as a responsibility of the Exam board, the question of questions policy can cause confusion between the policy of questions and the question of policy, especially when responsibility for the administration of the policy of questions conflicts, or overlaps with, responsibility for the question of the administration of questions. I hope that clears things up".
He added. "Please put you pens down and turn over your papers. Application forms for jobs at McDonalds are available as you leave".
Image credit: Wix AI (edited)