Best jokes of the Fringe 2026

The Edinburgh Fringe is happening again, as we speak.  If you have a show there, then good luck and break a leg. Later this month the Fringe will announce its top ten jokes. 

In the spirit of friendly competition, we are offering up our own ‘Best jokes of Newsbiscuit’.   These have been selected by our own entirely biased and largely imaginary editorial committee, and culled from our Headlines.  We’d have stuck to ten, but counting isn’t our strongest suit.

The author credits are included in case anyone out there has a big contract that they need signing, but didn’t find what they wanted at the Fringe…

Best jokes of Newsbiscuit 2026*

Anaesthetist cancels dinner party as he has people coming round (Modelmaker)

Another bitterly disappointing Reading Festival, says librarian (dominic_mcg)

Are transparent urns the future? Remains to be seen (Doctor Chutney)

"Call The Midwife" film announcement premature, says BBC (dominic_mcg)

Drought latest: water companies to impose shower cap (deskpilot)

Druids "dreading" moving Stonehenge when clocks go back (apepper)

Girlfriend unimpressed with spa weekend at convenience store (deskpilot)

Grubby teenager misunderstands instruction to wash at 30 (deskpilot)

Knife incident at private school: pupil arrested after using the wrong one for fish (deskpilot)

Onanist stays in bed all day on Palm Sunday (Lockjaw)

Pope tested as neighbour buys devastatingly attractive ox (apepper)

Prince Harry: I'm looking forward to reading my new book (deskpilot)

Prisoner with premature-ejaculation qualifies for Early Release Scheme (jim skinz)

Samaritans not happy with Christmas Jumper day (deskpilot)

Strippers strike: no end in sight (deskpilot)

* probably..., so far....

Image credit: Newsbiscuit archives

Stupid comedian drives a sports car. The jokes come thick and fast

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Ed Davey announces stand-up show at Palladium

Ed Davey has announced a 100-night residency at the London Palladium to showcase his comedy talents, it has been announced.

The news comes on the back of Davey's barnstorming PMQ's performance this week, where he delivered a zinger of a gag about how in an era of cuts in defence spending, Tony Blair's long form essay criticising the Labour Party was an example of 'drone warfare''.

'It was like listening to Dudley Moore or Bill Hicks in their prime', said one MP. 'Once the laughter and tears subsided, it was no surprise to see Ed's agent from Avalon come into the chamber with a deal for Ed.'

Davey's show 'Ed's you win, Tales you lose', is being billed as a mix between old school variety stand up, Jimmy Carr-style confrontational cultural commentary, and Stewart Lee-esque deconstruction.

'I'm not saying my mother in law is fat', quipped Davey. 'She's really not but her ongoing use of Ozempic does raise important questions about the long-term funding of weight-loss drugs on the NHS'.

'There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman' continued Davey. 'Under a devolved government structure, it is vital that our honourable Welsh friends, as well as Metropolitan mayors are represented in all formal consultative machinery of the state'.

'This is the natural next step for us as a party' said a Lib Dem spokesperson. 'After all, our 'Liberal Democrats Winning Here' placards and signs at local elections have been causing hilarity for months'.

Image: Tumisu - Pixabay