New laws are expected to force the convicted to face their victims but will not require ex-Prime Ministers to face the Hague. Instead of being publicly shamed, criminal politicians will be made to live happily ever after, without a twinge of guilt.
The Home Office confirmed that murderers would be made to attend, but mass muderers called Tony, would be given an ice cream. They explained: 'It's a logistical problem. Yes, we could get Mr. Blair in court, but to fit all his victims, we'd need Wembley Stadium.
'Besides, if they are that keen to see his face, they should watch TV, he's always on, laughing and laughing...'