Prince Andrew Lloyd Fibber music to feature at Coronation

The palace has conformed songs from the illustrious career of Andrew Lloyd Fibber will feature at the King's coronation. It is believed the crowning and anointment with oil will be accompanied by the song ‘Don’t Massage me Marge and Tina’, a smash hit for Fibber in 1976. Here is a full list of musicals that will feature, as played by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra in Westminster Abbey.

Andrew and his Amazing Technicolor Alibi (1968)

The hit musical that launched his career, featuring such classic hits as ‘Any Excuse Will Do’.

Jesus Christ Super-injunction (1970)

Not much we can say about that one.

Cats (1981)

In which the lead singer forgets the words to that timeless bittersweet ballad ‘Memory’.

Pizza Express (1984)

A roller-skating spectacular. The audience watch with bated breath, waiting for members of a stellar cast to fall flat on their faces

The Phantom of the Night Club (1986)

Performers stand around, not doing very much and insisting they weren’t sure why they turned up in the first place because nightclubs aren’t really their thing. Features the hit song ‘Nosweat Boulevard’.

School of York (2015)

An ageing rocker is thrown out of his band but lands a job teaching kids. The show closed following complaints.

Sarah Brightman and Paul Chuckle have been booked to sing alongside the King in outlandish sequin costumes. Tickets are available online or from a booth in Leicester Square. Andrew Lloyd Fibber musicals may contain flashing images.

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God Save The Quing expected to be sung until after coronation

Decades of singing God Save The Queen at big international matches has left experienced English football fans struggling to switch to convincingly singing God Save The King, with the result that for this World Cup it’ll be a rousing chorus of God Save The Quing heard in stadiums.

Football fans who also play Scrabble are finding the transition easier because they know that Quing is not a valid Scrabble word. The rest of the fans are expected to need at least six months and a ruddy big ceremony about the King being the King until they can make the mental switch to singing about a male monarch.

Meanwhile, despairing Manchester United fans will continue to sing God Save The Keane until the Apocalypse.

hat tip to Sinnick

Charles III going straight to cable

Expectations are low for the sequel to the sequel of Charles. The Newsbiscuit Culture Editor explains: “Look, Charles 1 was your classic, ballsy action movie, plenty of war scenes and an ending like Brave Heart. Definitely one to please the crowds, or at least anyone not dead by the end of it.

Charles 2 was not quite as ambitious plot-wise but defied the usual problem of sequels being a let-down, by adding a strong romantic aspect. I mean Chuck 2 had it Going On… was it 12 illegitimate kids by the curtain? Most viewers gave up counting half way through.

So what can Charles 3 bring to this franchise? At this stage, none of the above. It’s going to have to be something completely different. A man with three buttocks? He’s got some big underpants to fill.”

image from pixabay