Apologising for things other people did “really easy”, King confirms

As he nears the end of his tour of the Caribbean, which has seen pressure on him regarding Britain’s involvement in the slave trade, King Charles remarked to an aide how easy it is to apologise for things you didn’t do in the first place.

”It’s an absolute piece of piss,” remarked the monarch. “I can’t think why one didn’t do it years ago.'

”I mean, one’s basically saying that someone else - maybe even the person who had one’s job at the time - was a very bad hat who did something ghastly. Clearly implying that one is a much better person than they were. What’s so difficult about that?'

He went on to say he’d be more than happy to apologise for anything else done by one of his predecessors.

'The famines in Ireland and Bengal, the Amritsar massacre, concentration camps during the Boer War… actually, you’d better put one down for Jack the Ripper too, he was probably a relative.'

'But that’s all safely in the past. It doesn’t mean one’s going to apologise for what that idiot Andrew got up to with that bloody New York financier … and neither of course is he.'

Norway welcomes King Haakon VIII

Harry and Meghan returning to the UK for lucrative Sky deal

To the dismay of the real Royal Family, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are moving back to the UK later this month, leaving them desperately searching for excuses to avoid having to invite them for Christmas.

It is rumoured that the Sussexes are returning to the UK because they have secured a new TV deal with Sky. Their new TV series, ‘The Spare Returns to Blighty’ is expected to feature Harry complaining about the working Royals, Meghan making jam, and both of them talking about how difficult it is being rich and famous.

Although the King is looking forward to seeing more of his grandchildren, other members of the Royal Family are understood to be less enthusiastic.

The Prince of Wales is believed to have reacted to the news by saying: ‘Ginger and the Whinger coming back here? F*ck, no!’

It is also rumoured that Prince William is now considering joining Reform, having suddenly become very interested in their policies on immigration.

The reaction of Catherine, Princess of Wales, was, reportedly, ‘Oh, that’s such a shame. It’s been nice not having to worry about every family gathering becoming a six-part Netflix series.’

Meanwhile, Princess Anne is rumoured to have asked, ‘Why are they coming back? Did America run out of money? Did Donald kick Harry out?’

Neither Harry nor Meghan will resume their roles as working royals. This means that the Duke will remain a private individual while regularly appearing in documentaries explaining why he is no longer a working royal.

It is potentially awkward,’ said one royal correspondent. ‘Royal fans could soon be faced with a choice between the King’s organic biscuits and Meghan's raspberry jam, and wondering whether buying one of them constitutes taking sides.’

Filming for the couple’s new TV series is expected to begin soon. One Sky executive told us, ‘We’re only interested in getting an argument between Harry and William on camera. If that doesn’t happen, we’ll drop it after one series.’

Image credit: perchance.org

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