Responding to criticism of his corruption, ineptitude and haircut, Boris Johnson talked about transgender cyclists. He used the medium of song, startling those present with a sultry acapella version of Gett Off by Prince. Johnson leant into the camera whilst delivering the lines ‘let a woman be a woman, and a man be a man’ and later claimed his views – which are not controversial – might be controversial. All footage of the impromptu solo had to be destroyed because of Johnson’s eye-watering, wretch-inducing gymnastics during the lyric about twenty-three positions in a one-night stand.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said, ‘Boris has a long history of using appropriate language, and anyone who says otherwise is a tank-topped bum boy. He did renege on his promise to ban conversion therapy – but if that’s unpopular, his views can always transition.’