Met to Introduce Anti-Woke Crimes

Using emergency legislation, the government is to give the Metropolitan Police new powers to arrest supporters of so-called 'Woke Causes' for newly introduced specific crimes.

Amendments to the Police Act, will soon allow officers to detain Black Lives Matter protesters for "possession of a knee with intent to kneel." Pedestrians who are still on a Pelican Crossing when the green man starts flashing can also be arrested for supporting Just Stop Oil and holding up the highway; as can cyclists who fail to give way to any motor vehicle that is behind them.

Speaking outside New Scotland Yard, a Met spokesman lauded the proposed changes to the law. He remarked, 'These sorely-needed updates to bring policing into the 21st century will greatly aid our officers in the execution of their duties. This is the biggest shake up of law enforcement in the capital, and most-needed, since the 1980s, when we could arrest someone simply for owning a Bob Marley LP, or speaking in public with an Irish accent.'

2199 AD - Met admit Stephen Lawrence was murdered

Responding to criticism that the investigation took too long, the Chief Inspector spoke from his hover platform, above Mars Colony V: 'We moved as fast as we could, given the sheer amount of evidence we had to hide.'

'Admittedly all the suspects are long dead, but through the use of AI, we can imprison holographic images of them.'

Asked if he still thought the Met was still institutionally racist. 'Absolutely not. And the fact we stop and search Earth Men 90% more than Martians is just a coincidence.'

Image: WikimediaImages - Pixabay

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A hastily made law is a bad law