NASA retrieves asteroid sample, but gets sued for theft

An alien is beginning legal action against NASA, after a probe to the asteroid Bennu collected a sample and then returned it to Earth.

Zuflaxizog said 'Stole a sample I think you'll find. I had just finished renovating my summer house and that probe has made a complete mess of my garden. Mrs Zuflaxizog is not pleased. You have a cheek calling Bennu the most dangerous rock in the Solar System, when Suella Braverman lives on your one. Going to a new world and stealing stuff - it's all a bit British Museum, isn't it?'

Zuflaxizog added 'I felt a great disturbance, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. So either a planet has been destroyed or the Met Police have been violently kettling a peaceful demonstration, Suella-style.'

Asteroid Comet - Free photo on Pixabay - Pixabay

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'There are no such things as humans' confirm aliens

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Nasa loses contact with Jacob Rees-Mogg

Nasa has announced that it has lost radio contact with Jacob Rees-Mogg who is believed to be billions of miles and hundreds of years away from Earth.

'It has always been difficult to make sense of data received from Mr Rees-Mogg and, at first, we thought we were still receiving information. But it turned out to be random noise.'

Mr Rees-Mogg is appearing on GB News.