Food waste collections are set to require all households to produce 2000 gallons of oil, per fortnight.
The ongoing war in the Middle East has cut the global supply by 5%, meaning British households will need to make up the shortfall by recycling salad dressing and ghee. The basic ratio each home must generate is 100,000 bacon butties a week, just to keep up.
The bin itself will be the size of three moderately sized tankers and will be part of your normal collection cycle-provided your house sits on a deep-water port. The binmen have requested that you do not mix your heavy and light crude oils, and please separate out any crisp packets.
A minister explained. “Provided each homeowner is willing to forego the oil required to make 345,000 bags of popcorn we should be okay.” Over the Christmas period when collections are delayed, people are advised against storing their oil, as it is likely to attract a ground invasion by the Americans.
image by Grok
