Quirky gesture to camera to be compulsory for 2024 Olympians, organisers confirm

All competitors in the 2024 Olympics in Paris will need to perform some kind of wacky gesture to the camera as they are introduced to spectators just before they start their event, Olympic officials confirmed today.

The news comes after some of those competing at Tokyo 2020 opted for a generic smile to the camera and a slightly self-conscious wave as their name was announced to a global audience of billions.

'They've had five years to prepare their 'to-camera shot", said an Olympic spokesperson. 'So, it was disappointing to see some athletes insisting on a slightly scary fixed look of intense concentration, staring towards an imaginary point in the distance’.

'The Olympics has a long tradition of confident gestures to camera,’ noted the spokesperson wistfully. ‘We need to see more of those 'index finger pointing forward like a gun whilst nodding your head and winking' set pieces that were universal in the mens' 100m back in Los Angeles 1984, but which have sadly faded away. Or some of those ironic 'Rodin's thinker' type poses that some of the boxers do as they come in the ring’.

'Every single participant in the female gymnastics managed to make that heart gesture with their thumb and index fingers every time they were on camera, so I don't see why the track cyclists can't do it as they're lined up on a 45% banking', continued the spokesperson. 'The table tennis guys could do a little routine with their bat and ball, the sailors some kind of hornpipe pastiche. The dressage... we'll come back to you on that, but there must be something, maybe a little pretend gallop followed by someone getting quite angry and then throwing a punch’.

In separate news, it has been announced that 'medal biting' in post-podium photographs will also return to being a compulsory routine for winners in Paris 2024, after becoming just an optional gesture at Tokyo 2020 due to COVID.

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Post-event interviews with Olympians to include general knowledge round

Interviews with Olympic competitors conducted immediately after they’ve finished their race, swim, row or any other event will now include general knowledge, science and geography questions, the BBC announced today, in an attempt to make the excruciating encounters less predictable.

The news comes after concerns were raised that interviewees were increasingly able to anticipate the questions they were going to be asked by trackside reporters, and were able to rely on a stock bank of answers about how they were feeling, what the Olympics meant to them, or whether they could have done anything differently.

‘Some of the answers given by breathless and emotional GB athletes less then a minute after they’ve either just fulfilled their lifetime dream or had their expectations cruelly crushed in front of millions are remarkably similar’, said a BBC spokesperson. ‘Gave it everything I had, hasn’t sunk in yet, I just blew it, thanks for all the support back home. It’s as if they’re all copying each other. The format needs a total overhaul’.

‘Duncan Scott may have just become the most decorated GB Olympian at a single games, but can he tell us what’s the second highest mountain in the Andes, whilst still dripping wet, exhausted and unable to string a sentence together?’ said the spokesperson. ‘360 degree backflips on a BMX are all well and good but does Charlotte Worthington know what the longest running musical theatre show is in the West End? The nation needs to know.’

Richard Osman has been brought in as a consultant to turn things into a workable quiz format. Rumours that former Going for Gold host Henry Kelly will soon be taking over from Matthew Pinsent, Sharon Davies and others in shoving a microphone in front of peoples faces are said to be unfounded.