The Treasury has confirmed that the State Pension will no longer be paid in cash over the Post Office counter or by bank transfer from next April.
'Neither the Post Office nor the major banks operating in the UK are equipped to handle the volume of money the British pensioner is expected to receive,' said a Treasury spokesman today. 'Obviously not all people over age sixty-six have access to a crypto account, or indeed have a blockchain number, so we're giving them time to get set up for what is looking like the pension bonanza of all time,' he said. He confirmed pensions would be paid over the Dark Web going forward. 'It only makes sense,' he explained.
Alice, 71, is looking forward to the change. 'I could have used my four wheel shopping trolley once a week to pick the money up, but I'd be worried pushing that amount of cash around. I haven't worked out how to Sellotape a bitcoin to the grandson's birthday card yet, but I'm sure I will,' she added.
Betty, 78, thinks crypto will revolutionise her twice weekly bingo sessions. 'Big Barry, who runs the bingo, is really up on this type of thing. He's on Facebook now,' she explained. 'His partner Gail will probably struggle, she's only just stopped using Friends Reunited so I doubt she'll be much help, but Barry does the money anyway,' she said.
Economists have cautiously welcomed the change, but have urged the government to provide better guidance using TV advertising, Teletext and mailing Betamax infomercials to every pension household.
photo: Newsbiscuit Archive
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