Modern proverbs - part one

Those wise old proverbs. Often helpful. But also often not so helpful. You know. On the one hand, you should ‘look before you leap’. But on the other hand, ‘he who hesitates is lost’. So – none the wiser then!

And there’s ‘out of sight, out of mind’, which seems at odds with ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. And ‘better safe than sorry’ seems to contradict ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’. It’s starting to seem like these proverbs were just made up by someone to justify whatever dumb thing they were about to do.

So we asked our intrepid correspondents to suggest proverbs that would be useful in modern times (2026 at the time of writing). Here is our first selection of their work:

You can't choose your family, but, with Power of Attorney, you can raffle them off on the dark web.

It's not big, and it's not clever, but it is funny. Do it again.

You can run, but you can’t hide - because you're running

Laughter may be the best medicine - but I'll take the prescription drugs, please

You take the high road, I'll take the low road and may our paths never cross again, which is fine by me.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, teach him how to fish, and he'll end up as one of those grumpy old buggers on the end of the pier

Talk loud and carry a bigly stick. The bigliest there is.

Patience is a virtue, but you're taking the piss now

The phrase "the will of the people" is often hijacked by frauds, liars, charlatans and mountebanks

You cannot gild a turd, but you can sprinkle it with glitter

When failure isn't an option, it's usually a certainty

Just because it feels right doesn't make it right - ask Rolf Harris

A lot of what you fancy does you better, but there may be health issues to face up to later

Conributor: deskpilot

Image credit: perchance.org