MPs condemn the existence of Rap

Raged one Minister, against the machine: 'It's political and offensive but more importantly it's in rhyming couplets. What's that about? It's like an angry Dr Seuss. Rap is poetry for poor people and we won't stand for it. Poetry or poor people!

'We condemn the controversial rap group Kneecap, for deliberately rapping in a controversial way. It's almost as if it was intentional. How dare they court publicity by appearing in public. Using words to make you think and feel! Whatever next? Phat beats to make you move?

'We appeal to all festivals to give youngsters the music they want - Gregorian Chants. Nothing to dance to and all the words are in Latin. Or the old classics that your Nan would sing, like NWA's Fuk Da Police.'

Image: Gordon Cowie (@gcowie) | Unsplash Photo Community

Public demand silent Drake album

While UK artists protest AI copyright with silent songs, music fans have asked for Drake to do the same...permanently. Said one frustrated rap fan: 'I'm tired of listening to an auto-tune shopping list. He's what happens when you set Dr. Seuss to a metronome.'

The threat of AI to original content is huge, but the threat of Drake's actual content, is worse. 'It's hard to sing about the ghetto when you've been playing hockey in Toronto. He then over-compensates by dropping the N-word every 5 seconds to stop people falling asleep. He uses the N-word more than a KKK member with Tourette's.'

Asked if AI planned copy Drake, the AI replied: 'No, even we have standards.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Diddy strongly denies Andrew was at one of his parties

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