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Teacher Jailed For Violating Student’s Right To Throw Gluesticks

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Veteran teacher Mr Smith was jailed for crimes against humanity after sanctioning a 15-year-old pupil for something that was literally, like, not even his fault.


The 42-year-old Spanish teacher flaunted his authoritarian tyranny by sending an innocent Year 9 student to isolation for drinking Boost in class.


“It’s my literal human right to drink. Like does he want me to die of thirst?” the traumatised student bravely recounts. “And then when I tried to defend myself, he told me to leave his classroom. What ever happened to freedom of speech?”


14-year-old Stella has also raised a formal complaint against the senior leader after he gave her a detention for flicking a glue stick at the back of his head. “He says he’s just following the rules. You know who else used that line? The Nazis.”


Mr Smith is soon to face trial at Guantanamo Bay.



Shock as Sue Ellen Ewing makes a bid for the keys to No.10


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The fallout from Britain's political car crash is being discussed across the globe, and in the light of a shock new development, nowhere more keenly than around the windswept alfresco dining table at Southfork Ranch in Texas.


In a sensational move, Sue Ellen Ewing has told reporters she will be throwing her 10-gallon Stetson into the ring and is confident of garnering enough support among parliamentary party. "In fact, more than enough" to win her the keys to No.10 in the forthcoming Tory leadership election.


Speaking as she left the weekly Oil Baron's Ball she said: 'Why, shucks. This ole race is already run and won. Put your shirts and Kalvin Kleins on me boys.'


And it just might come to pass, because on hearing the news, online bookmaker Paddy Power, has now installed the 60s something glamour gal as front-runner.


However, some members of the party are arguing as she is not currently an MP she can't enter the race. But the men in suits, who meet Monday, are believed by many to be contemplating a sensational snap rule change that will allow Sue Ellen to run.


Meanwhile Mrs Ewing's estranged husband, the Machiavellian JR, poured cold water on the idea. 'Now just you tell me this, boy. How in the heck can she do that? She's a drunk, a tramp and an unfit mother. That's what my Daddy said 'fore he died.'


On hearing Mr Ewing's remarks, one unnamed backbencher commented: 'Gosh, actually, you know with a CV like that, I'd say she'd fit right in.'


First published 10 Jul 2022



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