The Duchess of York has learned that the estate of Jeffrey Epstein has distanced themselves from her and announced that they had been mere acquaintances that occasionally crossed paths at parties. This has been announced in the wake of an email emerging in which Ferguson called the deceased sex offender her 'supreme friend'.
'I don't really know where she's getting 'supreme friend' from, ' said Ferguson's spokesperson, 'Mr Epstein had met her a number of times but viewed that as a huge error of judgement. The estate and the memory of Jeffery Epstein would be forever tarnished if any other description of the relationship was accepted'.
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The transfer of Ghislaine Maxwell to Prison Camp Bryan, a Texas facility so cushy that it’s come to be known as 'Club Fed', was today described as 'definitely not suspicious' by a White House spokesman.
'It’s true she was living in pretty hellish conditions on Riker’s Island and then in Tallahassee,' the spokesman admitted, 'and now she’s basically on a sun lounger by the pool having drinks with little umbrellas brought to her. But people shouldn’t read into this that she’s cut any sort of deal with us.'
However a number of journalists seem to feel the very act of denying it’s suspicious makes it seem pretty suspicious, especially since the denial that a deal had been done was issued before anyone had even suggested it. However the spokesman reiterated that there’s nothing to see here.
'No, the statement she’ll make next week that President Trump barely knew Jeffrey Epstein, and certainly never went to his island, will surprise us as much as anyone else.'
For her part, Maxwell said she’s been offered a full pardon by the administration, but refused on the grounds that her life there is probably as close to her former life of luxury as she’s ever likely to get.
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