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NewsBiscuit understands that from next year collection of household waste by private contractors will change from fortnightly to annually.
Henri Lanois, CEO of France based waste management firm, Merde, told BBC: ‘Since ze councils sell off waste disposal to City wide-boys who then sell it to us, our raison d'etre is to make money for our investors. It is privatisation in action, non? Shareholders make a fortune and ze public suffers. As we say en France… pfft, c’est la vie, mon ami.
'And even if some previously conquered diseases reappear as a result it will be a small price to pay. Anyway, 'aven't you British got ze antibiotics these days. So... pas de problem.'
Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash
Commuters were left aghast after South West Trains accidentally ran a train on time.
Tara Taylor said 'What will I complain about to my colleagues now? More importantly, what's my excuse for being an hour late to the office? Thanks for nothing.'
A spokesman said 'We apologise for the correct running of that service. Normally we would arbitrarily cancel any train that looked like it might run on time. Maybe change its platform last minute so we can watch people scurry about like the worthless ants - the scum - that we believe them to be.'
'The best part is that private train companies rake more in government subsidies than it would cost to run a nationalised network. But as any Tory shareholder will tell you, the private sector does everything better. And that includes shitting all over the travelling public.'
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