Apple launch Actual Reality headsets for $3,500

Alongside their new virtual reality headsets, Apple has also launched a revolutionary 'actual reality headset'.

Early adopter Karl Aid enthused 'The batteries last for ever, they weigh nothing and when you're wearing them it's like looking at the real world, because you are.'

Some commentators have criticised the $3,500 price tag for what appears to be - and is - an empty box. An Apple spokesman explained the pricing; 'You're not just paying for the technology, you're also paying for the classic Apple design and the fact that the headset is made from the finest thin air from workers - who are definitely not slaves - in Zhengzhou.'

Apple will also stop their auto correct from auto-correcting rude words, although texting 'Jeremy Hunt' will now auto-correct appropriately. One tedious shin said 'Swearing isn't big or clever, but Apple are total can'ts. Total ducking bankers.'

Image: Unsplash | Beautiful Free Photo Community

H/T: stewartbarclay

Leicester man makes 7000 mile round-trip to collect Friday night curry

Steven Kirk from Leicester got more than he bargained for when he used the satnav in his new car for the first time, because instead of it directing him to the local tandoori restaurant he ended up 3500 miles away in New York!

'I just wanted to check it out, you know, boys toys and all that, so I said to my wife I'll just nip down the curry house to get our weekly curry. But ninety minutes after leaving home I was still nowhere near the restaurant.

'When I found myself driving through St Albans it did seem rather odd however I was just following the satnav woman's directions.

'Next she said "proceed to Gatwick and buy an airline ticket for New York JFK". I know it sounds silly now, but I mean computers are always right aren't they, so that's what I did,' Steve explained.

'My wife, wasn't too best pleased when eventually I called her from New York to tell her where I was. She had the wine ready and the plates warming. I didn't half get a good ear-bashing when I got home the next day.'

When asked if it hadn't occurred to him that something was wrong with the device, he said: 'Well, not really, you see the car's brand new.'

Now counting the cost of a trip that's set him back a cool £4000 rueful Steve admitted, ‘I think I'll maybe walk to the curry house next time.’

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mikes-photography-1860391/

IT setup at Rees-Mogg's office