Messages exchanged between Allied leaders on Bakelite, a 1940s precursor of modern messaging apps, have finally been declassified under Home Office rules.
The messages reveal that the D-Day landings were almost called off due to security concerns.
CHURCHILL: So we’re all set for Normandy?
MONTY: Provided the weather holds, yes sir.
HITLER: Normandy! Gott in Himmel, I almost said Normandy!
CHURCHILL: What the actual… is that Hitler?
HITLER: You know it, baby 😆
CHURCHILL: You added Hitler to the group chat?!?
MONTY: Sorry sir, I didn’t know it was him. His username just said “Reich Reich Baby”.
ROOSEVELT: Jeez, I knew I shouldn’t have left this to a bunch of limeys.
MONTY: Don’t worry Mr President, he still doesn’t know it’s June 6th.
CHURCHILL: Monty, I swear to god…
HITLER: Right, who had Normandy on June 6th?
GOERING: Me! Pay up, losers!
HIMMLER: No you didn’t, you said Brittany. That’s a totally different place.
GOERING: It’s the same place, that’s just the French name for it.
HIMMLER: Christ, no wonder we lost the Battle of Britain…
GOERING: You can talk, you said the Dordogne. That’s not even on the bloody coast!
ROOSEVELT: What the f… you added the whole Nazi High Command?
MONTY: Well unfortunately sir, once Hitler was in, he was able to invite other people...
ROOSEVELT: Goddammit! I oughta come over there and sort you guys out but good.
CHURCHILL: Oh yeah? You and whose wheelchair access ramp?
MONTY: Now now, chaps, let’s not go there…
GOEBBELS: Don’t tell me Mussolini’s on here as well?
HITLER: Don’t worry, I created another chat just for him and me, so he feels like he’s involved. So, you were saying about Normandy?
CHURCHILL: Monty, don’t you say another bloody word!
HITLER: Come on Monty, tell uncle Dolfi 😋
CHURCHILL: Makes no difference anyway. Whatever you send against us, we will fight you on the beaches, on the landing grounds and in the streets.
MONTY: Oh Lord, he’s off again…
STALIN: Gee, sounds like a nice day at the beach, guys. Remind me to tell you about Stalingrad one day.
TUKHACHEVSKY: To be fair, that was partly your fault for not…
TUKHACHEVSKY has left the chat very suddenly.
STALIN: Dude, how many times? Never in public. Or in private, for that matter.
TROTSKY: Dear me, looks like poor old Uncle Joe doesn’t have too many friends left!
STALIN: Trotsky! Enjoying life in Mexico? (Yes, I know where you are)
TROTSKY: Very much, thank you! Must be annoying for you to have a critic you can’t silence?
STALIN: Oh, I have plenty of ways to get to you, old friend. And when the time comes, I’ll take my pick 😜
TROTSKY: Hmm, guess it was funnier in your head.
STALIN: Not as funny as it’ll be in yours. Oh and Dolfi, since we’re talking… you missed a bit under your nose when you were shaving.
HITLER: Thanks, dude. Gets funnier every time.
DE GAULLE: Sorry to interrupt, but… is it safe to come out yet?
Image: mon18marti - Pixabay
