Pete Hegseth paints himself into a corner

US defence secretary Pete Hegseth has posted a borderline treasonous video on various social media sites.

He has filmed himself spray painting America's plans for seizing Greenland onto the back wall of the White House. 'This isn't secret,' he says, 'those Eskimos know we're coming for them. Anyway, hardly any of them can read.'

Donald Trump has firmly backed Hegseth over two previous incidents. He published battle plans to attack Yemen after mistakenly adding a journalist to the message group. And in the second case he sent war plans to a group including his wife, presumably so that she'd know when to put the dinner on '

Trump said, 'our battle plans aren't secret. Hegseth is a good guy. I beat him at golf every time.'

Pete Hegseth's latest effort looks set to test Donald Trump's allegiance once again. The spray painting is in a bright orange colour. If he's used the President's fake tan, then he's in big trouble.

Hegseth said, 'I've posted the videos because I believe in free speech. I left Fox News for the kudos and the kickbacks, but it's less fun than I expected. Honestly, what does a guy have to do round here to get sacked?'

image from pixabay

Trump threatens huge bombast strike on Iran

'I'm giving the Iranian regime two weeks to sign a deal to limit its nuclear activities,' Trump told the White House press corps, 'and if it refuses, I will subject it to the biggest wave of bombast the world has ever seen.

'No one can bombast their enemies more bigly than me,' boasted Trump.

'I have ordered a B2 bombast strike force to Diego Garcia which will hit the hell out of Iran with tough-guy threats, and I'll be launching wave after wave of intercontinental bombastic missiles on Tehran from the USS Blowhard, to bore the living hell out of everyone who listens to me.

'And if those fascist priests who run Iran - who I very much respect for their incredible fascist style of running the 'joint - still refuse to do what I tell them, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I will bloviate their house down... bigly!'

Picture credit: deep dream generator

Stock Markets agree to trade when Trump is sleeping

With tariff impositions and exemptions being imposed willy-nilly and almost on a whim by the President of the USA, stock markets are now operating in a constant state of flux and confusion.

In an attempt to counter this, and bring back the particular form of stability that benefits the leading trading houses, a proposal has been made to restrict trading to those hours when President Trump is asleep, and thus less likely to make significant and wide-reaching policy changes.

Whilst admitting this time-locked trading may be inconvenient for almost everyone, at least the 'right people' should again be exercising a modicum of control over the markets, and share prices will not be skidooshed every twenty minutes by the seemingly random pronouncements of the feckless orange incumbent of the White House.

Image credit: Wix/Unsplash