Trump threatens to bomb Betty's Tea Rooms

Donald Trump has threatened to bomb Betty's Tea Rooms, if it 'gets in the way' of opening the Strait of Hormuz.

The comments, made in a Fox News interview, aired as Iran and the US exchanged fire across the Strait.

'Next week it gets really bad for them,' Trump said. 'We're going to knock out all their kitchens. We're going to knock out all their rooms unless they get to the table and negotiate.'

Human rights chief Volker Turk responded by saying: 'Under international law, deliberately attacking civilians and civilian infrastructure is a war crime.'

'I'll save the kitchens for last, but ultimately, we'll hit them,' Trump said in an interview on Special Report with Bret Baier that aired on Tuesday night. 'Betty's didn't help at all when we went into Iran. They need to step up now.'

Betty's Tea Rooms are found across the UK, and the company says it is neutral in the conflict. However, Trump has accused it of being a front for radical liberal forces that are trying to undermine the West.

Trump posted on his Truth Social network: 'The number one goal is, and always will be, that Iran cannot have, in any way, shape, or form, a nuclear weapon, and Betty's absolutely must never put falafels on the menu.'

Image credit: perchance.org

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Trumphog Day

Today is the day when an annoying little orange animal with wispy hair decides the future of the nation

Punxsutawney Don emerges to pronounce on the state of, well, anything he fancies, really - despite being secluded for months in his gold-plated den with only his computer for company. His decisions are random, but somehow accepted by his “phaithphil phollowers” as prophetic. But, in fact, his declarations have been analysed, and found to have zero similarity to what actually happens

These proclamations are traditionally made every year, but recently are far more frequent - usually preceded by public interest elsewhere, such as Epstein Island.

This unique creature is not known for its intelligence, and is happy to trespass well beyond its territory, trying to pick fights with its friends and neighbours. It has a diet consisting mostly of circular lumps of meat, and drinks only a dark-coloured concoction of chemicals. This particular individual is physically unusual, and despite his size, Don has unusually small hands and genitals.

In the next few days, Don will be returned to his natural environment, at a place called, appropriately, Gobbler’s Knob.

Editor's note: Trumphog Day traditionally falls on February 3rd each year, the day after Groundhog Day.

Image credit: perchance.org

Meanwhile, down the club ...