The begging letter read: ‘I’ve been forced to choose between Chateau Filhout 47 or the Chateau Suau 45 and I’ve had to rent out my third home. I’ve already downsized my yacht, bought truffles from Lidl and had to peel the gold plating off my hot tubs.
‘I’m too ashamed to borrow money from the International Monetary Fund or look for bitcoins down the back of the sofa. Please help me to keep my pool boy in the lifestyle he is accustomed. If only there existed some sort of high street institution that provided manageable borrowing and fiscal responsibility...hmmm....wait a minute – hold on...I’ve got it! Greggs Bakeries do loans, right?’