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Beyoncé & Jay-Z to be traded on the Dow Jones

With the release of their joint album ‘We’re stinking rich’, the pop duo insisted they had moved into Exxon Mobil musical-phase of their career. Transcending their human flesh, both now only exist as series of scrolling numbers, representing Beyoncé’s spiralling wealth and the number of times Jay-Z needs to say the ‘n-word’ to appear relevant.

As for the tour, Beyoncé treated the crowd to photos of her children’s share portfolios and a film montage about pork belly futures.  While Jay-Z whipped the crowd into a frenzy, by providing stock market index updates; finishing with a ‘Big shout out to my accountant’ and a rebel rousing ‘JPMorgan Chase - keep it real’.

The couple have taken the bold decision to replace musical notes in all their songs with dollar signs. Critics accusing them of style over substance, but Jay-Z’s countered this with a rap about their enduring love of market capitalization.

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