Man blissfully unaware that he is sitting on the world's last giant woody snail

Winner: lockjaw

Runners Up: 'Colin's bluff was called at his first meeting with the Camouflage Society' (FlashArry), 'Apple to rephrase confusing "take your iPad to any branch for repair"' (apepper), 'Disappointing lack of interest in Bill Oddie lookalike competition' (deskpilot3)