A man from Brazil who claimed that a fish swam up his penis hole has been arrested for making a false statement. A medical team from São Paulo were called to the scene, where Dr Maria La Paz was quickly able to establish that the circumstances were untrue.
'A lot of people believe that a certain type of small fish in Amazonian swamps is attracted to penises,' said Dr La Paz. 'I have no idea whether that is true or not. We were sent to the coast at Praia Grande, and on arrival, it was clear that a fish had not swum up the man's penis hole. Technically it was a medium-sized whale, which is a mammal and not a fish, so it was easy to point out that the man's claim was false. The Maritime Accuracy Police arrived and immediately took the man into custody under the Massive Dick Act of 2019.
'Any which way you look at the whole thing, it's hugely impressive.'
Within moments the Brazilian Swamp Protection Police also arrived at the scene and arrested Dr La Paz for not knowing that small fish which swim up penis holes are a totally real thing.
Captain António Montevideo Gonzales Hyperbolica de Cortez-Mozambique said in a condescending tone, 'The fish are called Canero, and...' at which point he was arrested by a lower ranking Swamp Protection officer who responded by announcing in a particularly patronising way, 'They are NOT called Canero, they are Camero, which he really should have kno...' at which point he was shot by another colleague who reholstered his weapon and enunciated very carefully, 'They are neither Canero nor Camero, they are urethra fish of the genus Vandallia and most definitely called Candiru. You foreign bastards should really learn Portuguese properly.'
In keeping with ancient tradition of a gun being fired, an instant carnival broke out lasting four days.
image from pixabay