Ministers today were embarrassed to discover that many of their key policies were the result of an extended consultation with a dead shark. Originally thought to be a right-wing think tank, it now transpires that it is in fact a right-wing FISH tank created by Damien Hirst. A Treasury spokesperson tried to clarify the situation: 'The trouble is, the shark said it with such conviction – after all, it is an iconic piece of 1990s art. But we knew something smelt fishy.'
'Oh Cod, I know this looks eely bad,' apologized the Shark. 'I hake the fact it’s a load of scallops. Bass-ically I said this was a roeful idea, but they said stop carping on. Mullet it over. Don’t be so shellfish. We need you to come it from a really different angler, don’t be koi. Frankly the whole thing is giving me a haddock.'