The Prime Minister is described as being too busy to make an apology for his Jimmy Savile statement directed at Kier Starmer. Whilst an apology would take at least 10 minutes (even for Boris) to assemble, a ’senior source’ has ‘advised’ that he ‘has got other stuff to get on with today’.
Practising hitting a cow’s arse with a banjo
Practising tucking his shirt in properly (a long-term goal)
Practising a remorseful / contrite look in the mirror whilst simultaneously trying not to laugh
Preparing to prosecute journalists showing insufficient respect for Carrie Johnson
Setting up a top-level inquiry as to why bears are polluting the woods
Calling a COBRA meeting to determine what stuff is too sensitive or difficult to get on with.
Chugging in Whitehall to raise funds for new 11 Downing Street decorations (subject to availability of protection teams)
The spokesman added he will definitely NOT be practising the guitar chords to Nirvana’s ‘All apologies’