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Husband starts up jogging. Suspicious wife plans divorce.

The marital harmony of Maya and Evan Jutson, was thrown into turmoil when Evan (41) declared that he was going to ‘dig out’ the rusted exercise bike from the shed. Things progressed from strange to alarming, when he subsequently started cutting back on his cheese consumption, trimming his nose hairs and wearing spandex shorts in the garden.

Maya (38) became increasingly concerned that Evan was cheating on her, the moment he started jogging to the off-license and singing along to Grime music. This was further enforced when her husband demanded decaffeinated coffee, his own hand lotion and that she explain Snapchat to him.

Like with so many British industries, Evan had been in a managed decline for years. Yet, he had seemed happy to fall into the warm, beckoning embrace of own mortality. ‘He’d accepted growing old,’ she commented. ‘But now this sudden lease of life, what has he got to be so optimistic about? It has to be another woman or he’s been radicalized by ISIS. I want the old Evan back. And his life insurance’.

Evan had a very different perspective: ‘I’m just keeping Maya on her toes. Simple misdirection. I give the impression that I am interested in life, by occasionally mentioning kale smoothies or taking up rumba classes. And while she’s all discombobulated, I can upgrade the TV sports channel without her noticing’.

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