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Pope to be Sainted for Knighting Savile

Never troubled by the concept of background checks, hypocrisy or a modicum of doubt, John Paul II merrily made the 1970s’ horror-show a Knight Commander of St Gregory the Great. Subsequently the Vatican committee has now attributed the deceased pontiff with the miracle of ‘turning Paedophiles into Pillars of Society’.

This follows the miracle of ‘turning-unprotected-sex-into-an-HIV-epidemic’. One insider admitted: ‘If we can make this guy a Saint and the last fella was in the Hitler Youth, we’re thinking our Jesuit boy can get away with some crazy s**t.’ John Paul II died in 2005 aged 84…oh, so did a lot of children in Africa…heigh ho.


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