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Richard Hammond now jointly owned by Amazon, Morrisons and the Devil

Morrisons/Amazon/Lucifer have agreed to a split custody arrangement whereby Hammond will advertise fresh meat plus eternal damnation on Mondays, Prime Deliveries plus eternal damnation on Tuesdays and for the rest of the week he will drive a Mercedes-Benz ‘Smart FourTwo’ – which is an eternal damnation.

It is debatable whether Mr. Hammond was originally the owner of an incorporeal essence, given that hamsters are not normally attributed with an immortal soul. His agent said: ‘As a third of ‘Top Gear’s Ironic World of Lazy Stereo-types’, my client is looking forward to working with the devil – or anyone with more moral fibre than Jeremy Clarkson.’

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