• Titus

Secret meetings frantically discuss Southgate tribute

Although Wednesday night's plans to mint a special commemorative £2 coin have been put on hold until Sunday's result is known, a more urgent decision is currently awaited regarding the proposed ennoblement of Gareth (or possibly Sir Gareth, if not Lord, Viscount or Baron Southgate, or perhaps even the Duke of Wembley) and whether that would be an adequate testament to his contribution to the wellbeing of the human race. His performing of miracles, however, is obviously a simple matter of record, despite the tribulations of spending what felt like 40 days and 40 nights failing to score against Scotland.


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