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Student returns home penniless and jobless

Antony Smythe, pronounced Smithe not Smith, has returned unapologetically to his family home from Uni, to continue sponging off his parents.

Antony had conveniently forgotten that he had disappeared to the 'furthest away possible university' north of the border, had never called his mum back despite twenty missed calls a week , and hadn't contributed anything to the world for the past four years. He is typically arrogant for his age and hasn't lost his 'I know better' attitude.

Mrs Smythe, said 'He just doesn’t get it, more than two adults in a house doesn’t really work. He just turns up at random times so we can’t even relax in front of the Friday night TV. We were just managing to get our lives back. I love him dearly, but he needs to become more independent and find a sensible girl to settle down with. Mr Smythe and I are his role models, we were self sufficient as his age. I know he deserves a year off because he spent four years working so hard at uni that he didn’t even have time to return my calls. I tried explaining how the world works and that money doesn’t grow on trees, but he doesn’t get it.'

Mr Smythe commented, 'We thought he was visiting for Christmas but he’s been here two months now. His shoes are always a trip hazard in the doorway and how can he expect a wet towel to dry, when it’s rolled up in a ball on the bed? Why doesn’t he just fxxk off and make his own way in life like we did?

Now he expects us to finance him while he has a year off travelling, because 'he worked so hard studying'. The little tosser needs to get real.'

Since the wayward son returned home he and his wife admitted, 'to be honest we mostly miss the Friday night sessions of red bull, cocaine, porn and experimental sex.'

Photo by Maxime Bhm on Unsplash

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1 Comment

Feb 18

And he only got a 'Pass' degree.

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