Popular TV show The Repair Shop has seen an unexpected rise in demand for sex toy restoration, it was confirmed today. “It began with a misunderstanding,” said presenter Jay Blades. “This old lady asked us to knock the dents out of an ‘Old Thunderer’ that saved her mum during the Spanish Civil war. We thought it was a whistle that stopped the bullet. Turns out it really wasn’t a whistle.”
The Old Thunderer restoration – with an average audience of 6 million at the strip-down and rebuild phases rising to 12 million for the final working demonstration– took three months to complete. It used a thousand rivets, one cow hide and a ton of finest Welsh coal.
Presenters expressed concern about the broadcast but producers expressed delight at the viewing figures, particularly among the elusive “25-34 year olds who’ve accidentally come across the programme whilst trying to work a real television for the first time to access BBC3” demographic. After that, the team was inundated with requests to buff up objects that gave such pleasure to previous generations.
“Next up was a Surrey housewife with the toy rabbit that meant so much to Great Aunt Edith, that she hoped to pass down to her daughter,” said Blades. “No, it wasn’t fluffy. No, she didn’t have it as a child during the blitz. Yes, all we did was remove salt from the battery terminals and give the whole thing a good old scrub. Bloody hell, what’s wrong with shit clocks as heirlooms? Some people get a buzz from them.”
image from pixabay