The three blind mice made famous in the popular nursery rhyme have been stripped of their disability benefits, the Department for Work and Pensions confirmed today. [read...]
A left-wing IS splinter cell has today declared an Islamic socialist caliphate in a bid to halt the plight of jobless jihadis and bombers on the breadline. [read...]
‘If their tragic multiple victims are also on benefits, then we have a win-win situation’ [read...]
Conservative think tanks have reached the conclusion that Britain could be purged of an unwanted 95% of the population, if we only we embraced the ‘golden opportunity’ offered by recent extreme weather conditions. [read...]
Families legally claiming benefits under Britain’s welfare system have officially joined Kim Jung-un of North Korea and President Ahmadinejad of Iran to form part of the so-called ‘Axis of Evil’ threatening Western democracy. [read...]
The maximum amount a family can receive in welfare benefits a year has been raised to £33 million, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has announced. [read...]
As retailer Co-op raise the bar in the race to entice customers over the supermarket threshold by replacing plastic bags with compostable bags, Tesco has gone one huge leap further by offering every customer in a Birmingham store their own Kangaroo-for-life. [read...]
The ‘Go Bananas’ monkey sanctuary in Dorset is at the centre of criticism from both animal welfare experts and visitors, after it was revealed that an initiative to provide cutting-edge, 21st century facilities for resident primates encountered a series of problems. [read...]
A mother has bought her teenage son a Nike balaclava to prevent him getting a head cold when he goes out stabbing. Melissa Hargreaves became concerned for her 16 year-old son’s welfare after he contracted a series of colds last winter while out terrorising the neighbourhood with his fellow gang members. [read...]
A Mr Harry Wales has applied for a green card, which will allow him to live and work in the United States, an immigration officer in New York has revealed. ‘He appears to be qualified,’ [read...]
Documents released under the one thousand year rule have revealed that the referendum carried out by Britons in 1016 now show the King, King Ethelred, was actually extremely ready, despite the eventual vote ending up split 52% to 48% to the opposite. [read...]
Nigel Farage has once again given voice to the unspoken thoughts of the majority by claiming children’s television is being infiltrated by EU propaganda. ‘Our children are being brainwashed,’ he said. ‘They don’t have a chance – [read...]
National treasures Ant and Dec are to be given to the EU as part of a deal which will see David Cameron secure key concessions on welfare payments to immigrants. The move comes after Polish delegates stormed out of negotiations after the Prime Minister’s opening offer of the Chuckle Brothers and Bonnie Langford appeared to have backfired. [read...]
‘In stable number 6 we had a radio, tv, everything. Back in Piraeus my bank had just repossessed the stereo – what did I have to lose?’ [read...]
In a dramatic bid to solve problems of over demand in the health service the NHS has reworked the fuel saving war time slogan ‘Is your journey really necessary?’. A spokesman for the NHS said: ‘Posters will be going up shortly and as a further benefit we anticipate there should be a ‘trickle down’ effect into the private sector with increased workload to undertakers.’ [read...]
A video shows Osama bin Laden threatening the Western World with ‘a staggering outrage’, standing in what appears to be a hunting lodge adorned with the heads of other trophy kills. [read...]
Throughout history sport has had an intimate relationship with animals; horse racing, running with bulls, hump the camel. An American football is nicknamed ‘pigskin’ after the original practice of running with and throwing a piglet with the aim of depositing it safely in the ‘Penzone’. [read...]
In a bid to snatch back public attention from Labour’s Ed Miliband, who this week enthused the young electorate with his casual chat with hipster Russell Brand, PM David Cameron has released footage of a ‘laid back chin wag’ with former funny man and casual racist, [read...]
Politicians in Holland are exposing children to the dangers and horrors of life in an effort to teach them self reliance and discipline. However, scientists are at odds with these methods, saying that exposing them to such danger won’t help prepare them for the real world of safe space zones, [read...]
In the wake of financial woes in the Eurozone, it has now been confirmed that Angela Merkel has launched a new German led European ‘Frank Bank’. [read...]
