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Man confirms plan to watch sh!tloads of snooker

A man has confirmed his plans to watch a frankly ridiculous amount of snooker over the next 2 weeks.

Mike McBride, 46, has cleared his diary of all other activities, and will consume over 240 hours of action from the green baize tables of the Crucible Theatre, Sheffield, via as many BBC platforms as possible.

Despite having no interest whatsoever in the sport for the remainder of the year and no particular affinity for any player, McBride will pay a worrying level of attention to the World championship, memorising every player nickname, charting routes to the final, and monitoring how the famous nap of the tables at the Crucible is playing.

’You’ve always got to fancy ‘the Rocket’ of course’, noted McBride to no-one in particular, with one eye on the action from the morning session on day 3, table 2 on a specially installed extra TV in his living room.

‘And that’s despite the fact that his average break and safety percentages are always a bit low in the two-table format, he said, checking one of his notebooks. ‘Young Jackson Page - Action Jackson they call him, you know - could be a real thorn in his side in the first round though’.

‘It’s the same every year’ said Sarah, Mike’s wife. ‘There’s just this eerie silence for 17 days, punctuated by periodic low level mutterings from Mike about Barry Hawkins’ need to get the cue ball back to baulk, Mark Selby being particularly good with the spider, and the pockets playing tight. I have no idea what he’s on about. It’s like having John bloody Virgo as a house guest’.

‘Personally I think his installation of a portaloo in the living room so he doesn’t miss any crucial shots is a bit much’ continued Sarah. ‘It certainly made our daughter’s birthday party at the weekend a bit more interesting’.

‘At least it will be over by bank holiday Monday’ said Sarah. ‘Wait, what’s that, it’s the Euros AND an Olympic year as well? Oh Jesus. I’m definitely snookered needing an unlikely three cushion escape.’

image from pixabay

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