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Recent excitement about seeing an Englishman going out in the midday sun, was in itself remarkable not only because of the unusual appearance of the sun at this time of year, but more particularly that it appeared at noon, has now been eclipsed, as the Nations lungs were almost overfilled of breath intakes, there suddenly appeared this mans wife.


As shock waves rippled through communities across the nation, even Mr & Mrs Tombony at no 17 were inspired to but the milk bottles out together, before it got dark.


Ladies who used to walk the dog in the park, have now been seen walking their husbands, whilst the dog stares wistfully through the net curtains at home.


BBC have announced a rebranding of a popular series, now to be called “A Man and his Wife” in an effort to boost flagging Licence fees.


Terms like “a couple” have been trending although scholars have been scrolling through parchments and dictionaries to see if there are historically any connection to other interpretation of that particular described activity.


A palace Spokesman said “One would prefer not to comment about the term Couple, as it could mean “one” then another “one” , but he would not go so far as to say it implied in any way that “One” was giving the other “One” One, (as it were ), and hopefully not in public.


image by Grok



Line Of Duty's Superintendent Ted Hastings has been ordered by senior BBC executives to stop his practice of sucking diesel, as fuel prices continue to hit record levels. 


The go-to practice of Hastings, thought to involve a long piece of tubing attached to a car's fuel tank and used to demonstrate good progress in a tough AC-12 investigation, is to be outlawed with immediate effect, until oil prices begin to drop again. 


'Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey, this is a bloody nightmare, fella, let me tell you,' reported a flustered Hastings today.  'I mean what the hell do you expect me to do when things are going well? You'll be telling my granny to suck some eggs instead of diesel, I expect, will you, Sonny Jim? 


'Maybe we can suck on some of that lovely water coming up the Lagan in the interim, eh? Well, let's get on with it before I throw that there bloody book at you, followed quickly by the bookcase.' 


It is also thought that Hastings will not be permitted to 'cook on gas' either, as wholesale gas prices also continue to rise. 


'Unfortunately, we do need to control costs,' said a senior BBC executive. 'Ted's sucking diesel budget in series 6 of Line of Duty alone ran into the millions, and to be honest, it isn't good for his long-term vocal or gastric health.


'Don't worry, we've given him some more economical alternatives, so in series 7 viewers can look forward to Ted Hastings shouting excitedly that he's 'ingesting Hydrotreated Vegetable Oil' and that 'we're chugging on Biogas LNG'.  



Image credit: ChatGPT



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