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The BBC has apologised for broadcasting a marmalade based tirade delivered by Paddington Bear during the 2026 BAFTAs ceremony. The heckle was considered particularly offensive due to it happening while two representatives of the jam industry were presenting an award for best use of a non-citrus toast topper in a television drama.


As the jam executives took to the stage, viewers watching the live coverage were to hear cries of 'jam w**kers', emitting from a table nearby where the marmalade-eating Peruvian was known to be seated.


Later, when Paddington made his scheduled appearance on stage himself to present the award for best children's and family entertainment programme, viewers were shocked when he slammed a jar of marmalade onto the podium and declared, 'this is what a breakfast condiment looks like, you f***ers!'


Viewers were later told by host, Alan Cumming, that anyone who has seen Paddington or any of its sequels will know that South American bears have close to no control when talking about, or in the presence of, the citrus fruit preserve, be it raw from the jar or in sandwich form, and that while they apologised for any offence caused, it's equally important that we have a conversation about our relationship with the tangy breakfast favourite made from the juice and peel of oranges. However, several witnesses to the event denied that any such condition existed, and said that the usually timid bear arrived at the ceremony already off his tits on 25 jars of Robinson's Golden Shred.



The BBC came under criticism earlier today after announcing that a one-legged white dwarf will play American basketball legend Magic Johnson in a new series chronicling his life in sport, to be screened in the summer.


Licence payers are incensed by what they see as a ridiculous attempt at diversity and unbridled political correctness.


A spokesperson for the BBC told reporters: ‘We think it’s important to reflect society in real terms, and that’s what we’ve done here.


‘It’s our view that the white dwarf community and people with disabilities should be represented in contemporary drama, so what better way to achieve this than by killing two birds with one stone and casting a white, unidexter dwarf as an extremely tall black athlete.


'Yes, it will be challenging when filming footage of Magic Johnson in action on the basketball court, but we aim to get round that by having a tallish Chinaman lift him up to pull off the slam dunks.'


In 2023, the BBC was heavily criticised after casting a five-times-married black woman, who was confined to an iron lung, to play the teenage Martina Navratilova in a docudrama about her life in tennis.



Image credit: perchance.org

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