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Celebrity cancelled for doing absolutely nothing controversial

An unnamed star has been suspended by the BBC for not making any sexist, homophobic, racist comments, using slurs against people with disabilities or posting anything about Gaza on social media. No offensive remarks were made last November during filming for a new BBC show, the Sun on Sunday reported.


The BBC said this language was “entirely unacceptable and in no way reflects the values or standards we hold and expect”. The popular TV regular apologised for "any offence and upset".


Newsbiscuit has approached their representatives for a comment, who told us to "F**k off you woke C**k Wombles!". Charities and MPs have joined forces to condemn the National Treasure, saying they should reflect on what they haven't said or done.


The personality is said to be 'Deeply embarrassed', adding,  "I want to apologise sincerely and wholeheartedly for the words I haven't used. It is no excuse, but I do not fully understand derogatory terms and their meanings. That is on me completely. Now I am aware, I am deeply embarrassed not to have directed them at anyone."


Nigel Farage has stepped into the affray, calling on the person to educate themselves, and offering them a place on a course especially run for members of The Reform Party run by Laurence Fox.


A BBC spokesperson said "We hope they will take this opportunity to get to know the reality of ordinary people, and upset them”.



Kuenssberg and Mason Threesome With Farage Mannequin

The BBC Current Affairs department was thrown into chaos today when a leaked video seemed to show their former and current political editor engaging in a ménage a trois with a mannequin wearing red trousers and a Barbour Jacket.


During the seven-minute clip where the two worship the effigy and spend an inordinate amount of time kissing its posterior, both are heard to exclaim soft-ball questions like, "Would you stop the boats if you were Prime Minister? Just yes or no, we don't need your plan." , "Uncosted tax breaks that will benefit the wealthy? How can anyone lose?" And, as the recording finished, "No further questions big boy."


Head of BBC news Deborah Turness was quick to dismiss the scandalous film as nothing more than a damp squib. "The most important question to answer and that we will cover at-length," she said while wrapping up her press conference, "is that even though Nigel Farage didn't come first, or indeed at all, what does such an event means for Sir Keir Starmer and his Labour Government."



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