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Row as Gove's lift doors aren't welded shut



An enquiry has been launched at Broadcasting House following delays yesterday in a welding team to arrive to weld shut lift doors containing Michael Gove.


A spokesman explained the chain of events; "At around 8am, Mr Gove entered, what I now understand, was a specially prepared lift. Unfortunately, notification of this wasn't passed onto the UK Risk Containment Board and the welding team wasn't scrambled until it was too late and Mr Gove had escaped, er, left the lift."


It's understood that the lift containing Mr Gove was planned to be sold to a group of somewhat irate fishermen.





First published 11 Jan 2022


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Rishi Sunak refuses to say whether he lives in a big house


Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has repeatedly refused to say whether he lives in a big house or not.


The multi millionaire PM told the BBC’s Larry Knutsberg that his living arrangements were a private concern and not really relevant to his ability to deal with the cost of living crisis.


Rumours that Sunak lives in a big house in the country with a nice garden, a patio and a gravel drive have been circulating around Westminster for several weeks now but the PM did nothing to quash those rumours, insisting it was nothing but media tittle-tattle.


Mr.Sunak also refused to tell Knutsberg whether he knew other multi millionaires like him or say whether he had ever been to Butlins on a fortnight’s holiday.


‘Rishi Sunak is the richest Prime Minister the UK has ever had…. we think it is important to know whether he lives in a big house or not,’ said Knutsberg. ‘We appreciate it’s unlikely he lives in a council house or assisted accommodation but unless he comes out publicly and let’s us all know one way or the other the rumours will persist.


'There are over 1.5 million people on the social housing waiting list….the public need to know whether he is one of them or not’.



First published 10 Jan 2023


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BBC still hasn't reported on BBC not reporting anything


Social media is on fire with allegations that the BBC hasn't reported anything about the crisis in Iran, despite running several separate news articles every day since the demonstrations started.  They are also accused of not reporting anything about the situation in Gaza, despite running articles daily since last year.



'We admit that some reporting is difficult,' said a BBC spokesman, adding, 'as both Iran and Israel won't allow correspondents in, and those that do sneak in tend to get shot', he said. 'I ran to tell you because is real.'



Critics grudgingly agree, but point out that the BBC hasn't announced the upcoming General Election, to be debated next week where the government, despite having a huge majority, is going to roll over and vote to pull the General Election forward by at least three years.  The BBC agree that they haven't reported that piece of news but defended themselves by pointing out that whenever the next election does occur they have told the country who to vote for. Repeatedly.


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