Musk steps up plans for Mars mission after global tax reform

Elon Musk has announced that SpaceX's plans for a manned mission to Mars will be accelerated so that by the time the global tax reforms come into place, Tesla head office will be close to Olympus Mons on Mars, or Musk Mountain as it will soon be renamed.

'At first, I considered moving to the international space station, but I don't know if you've seen the toilets up there. So Mars won the business.'

Musk plans to pay for the venture by renting out rooms on his Mars base to his fellow billionaires. As to how they get there, he has promised them a fleet of self-driving space shuttles using his tried and tested Tesla technology.

'We're all for it,' said a G7 spokesperson, 'once they get in those shuttles, we expect never to have to deal with them again.'

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Wallace and Gromit statue to be removed due to slavery connections

Oscar winners, cheese enthusiasts and occasional wearers of the incorrect trousers, Wallace and Gromit, have caused controversy after it was revealed they have a shady past.

Critics of the sometime astronauts, window cleaners and bakers, claim to have evidence of links to slavery in the cellar of their West Wallaby Street home. Apparently, two immigrants were employed without pay and occasionally fed cheese and crackers.

The immigrants in question, named locally as Morph and Chas, were allegedly locked in an old cigar box in the cellar and forced to create inventions, vehicles, space rockets, and weird getting-out-of-bed machines for the alleged slave master, Wallace, and his pitbull mix, Gromit.

The whistleblower, former caretaker, Mr Colin Bennett, himself a victim of many accidents, said that after the numerous reported deaths of Tony Hart, Wallace took over the outfit, and the power went to his head.

'Wallace couldn't have made all of those things by himself, now could he? He's made of clay, for God's sake!'

Police were called several times, but even after a four day stop motion search, no evidence was found, save a large greyish-brown ball of modelling clay with four eyes.