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Total Corruption Magazine reports profits of $14 trillion Dollars before and after tax



International best-selling magazine Total Corruption, which explains how to turn your democracy into an overtly venal society in just 6,000 easy instalments, has reported quarterly profits of $14 trillion Dollars.


The exclusive subscription-based publication which used to be a monthly circular is now available to sharks, hoodlums, organised crime, high finance, and democratic governments as an hourly magazine.


84% of countries now operate entirely based on the easy-to-follow guidelines, since the populist article 'Just Lie To Their Faces' broke down barriers to shady unscrupulousness, turning standard manipulation practices into overt sleaze overnight.


Gordon Grifter, Chief Editor for Falsification, Doctoring, Alteration, Fudging, Adulteration, Debasement, Degradation and Abuse at the magazine said, 'Any country or entity using its tax income to subvert societal culture will be well aware of our world infamous Seven 'D's Mantra: Dishonesty, Deceit, Deception, Duplicity and Double-Dealing.


'However, I can now reveal exclusively that a specialist online sister publication kept crookedly behind an extortionate paywall will be launched tomorrow. We have a whole new look and feel, inspired by delinquency, palm-greasing, subornation, profiteering, malfeasance, misfeasance and malversation.


'To the good people of the world, I say this: there are 667 words for corruption, but only one for integrity. And we've just bribed all of the dictionaries of the world to have integrity removed.'


Sue Gray report labels Boris a ‘total lightweight’


Sue Gray will report that Boris Johnson is a “lightweight” who “can’t handle his drink”, a leaked extract from her highly anticipated report reveals.


“Almost the entire nation turned drink to help them get through the horrors of lockdown,” the report will say. “Many people started to find excuses to drink earlier. I mean, I was on the gin shortly after lunch most days.


“Yet if we believe Boris, he only stayed at one party for half an hour and his birthday party was only ten minutes long. He is either lying or a total lightweight.”


Further damning evidence suggests that there was even one day when there wasn’t a party at Number 10, the report adds.


One backbench MP said the findings put Boris out of step with the rest of the parliamentary Conservative Party.


“Even before the pandemic, there was a drinking culture on the backbenches,” they said. “He has really let the side down this time. I’d write a letter of no confidence but to be honest, I’m a bit too pissed at the moment.”


Rioters dispersed by having editorials from The Sun read at them


After two days of civil unrest and setting fire to piles of Rebekah Brooks’ ginger wigs, anti-phone hacking demonstrations have finally ended. A spokeswomen for the News of the World said: 'We deplore seeing an angry mob whipped into a hysteria and then let loose to terrorize innocent people – that’s our job’.





IMAGE: https://pixabay.com/users/pdpics-44804/

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