Russia War is a small price to pay if we get to keep Boris

The British public has agreed to make the ultimate sacrifice, by reenacting the Charge of the Light Brigade, but this time with masks and appropriate social distancing. Saving the PM from his own PR, every man, woman and child will valiantly lay down their lives, so Boris can lie about his lays.

By deflecting attention from the parties and infidelities, we will march on Moscow or all die in a futile gesture - whatever plays better in The Daily Mail. Commenting on this dead cat/bear, one General remarked: 'Into the valley of Death, rode the six hundred. Obviously six hundred is a lot but technically this is a work event'.

Men Honor Guard Soldiers - Free photo on Pixabay

Wordle to replace CBeebies, CBBC

Secretary of State for Eating Ostrich Anus, Nadine Dorries, is fully defunding the pinko, commie, Britain-hating BBC, to ingratiate herself with the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch. Co-conspirator in hate Julia Hartley-Brewer added the BBC shouldn't produce content that she herself doesn’t directly consume – she finds CBeebies too advanced. Dorries is therefore replacing all CBeebies and CBBC programmes with Wordle, the free, once-a-day, 5-letter game. Once the game is completed the channels will play the national anthem on a loop. In solidarity, Dorries’ next novel will contain no words longer than 5 letters.

Parent Karolina Krychowiak noted ‘If you come for CBeebies, we will kill you and make it look like an accident. Mr Tumble is always watching. Words that describe the Tories mostly have 4 letters, but I suppose the plurals have 5.’

Scots argue over the division of 'Idiots'

The Scottish Independence debate has been thrown into confusion over the sudden realization that not every natural resource is a desirable one. Recent data suggests that Scotland has long been a net exporter of morons, including knuckleheaded MPs (Messrs Gove, Fox and Duncan-Smith) and the numptie-in-chief, Mr Tony Blair.

One panicked spokeswoman said: ‘We’d accepted the rain, midges and that losing the BBC will mean a perpetual loop of Taggart re-runs. But we don’t even get the Queen as Head of State – we get the Duke of Edinburgh!'

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