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All the King's Horses and all the King's men resign over Dumpty's remarks



All the King's Horses and all the King's men have pulled out of helping Hump-me Dump-me over remarks he made about Little Boy Red being complicit in allowing Georgy Porgy to run away after kissing all the girls and make them cry. He is accused of giving all the PPE contracts for bags of wool to his friend the Master, and none to the Dame or little boy who lived down the lane.


He has also been blamed for the prospect of empty cupboards for Old Mother Hubbard, but denies having any hand in the evacuation of her dog from Nursery Land. People are still very bitter that he closed down the market meaning no little pigs could go there and ultimately leading to Bo Beep loosing all her sheep.


Who should replace Boris Johnson as Prime Minister? YOU decide!



As the scandal surrounding Party-gate rumbles on, and a chastened nation awaits the outcome of the Sue Gray inquiry, whose findings we all must pretend we don’t already know, it appears that Boris Johnson’s days of wine and cheese are numbered. We take you through the runners and riders and ask YOU, dear reader, to choose who will next have the privilege of redecorating the Downing Street flat. Just don’t ask where the money comes from.



Should it be…?



Marie Antoinette? Boris kept the cake for himself, but Marie would let us all have a slice! You think this lot are decadent and out of touch with public opinion, just wait till you see the bashes this French aristocrat can throw.



Piers Morgan? A controversial tabloid journalist with a strained relationship with the truth and a willingness to use underhand tactics to get what he wants. Sound familiar? Old big mouth also has a cosy relationship with Rupert Murdoch, which is half the battle to become PM.



The corpse of Mrs Thatcher? Give the people what they want! Re-animate her Frankenstein-style; prop her up and stick sunglasses on her – à la Weekend at Bernie’s; whatever works to turn on the backbenchers.



Noel Edmonds? He really knew how to throw a House Party, did our Noel. Will also please the Covid Recovery faction of the Tory Party with his wacko health views.



Jackie Weaver? She does have the authority, after all. If you don’t like it, it’s into the Zoom waiting room with you.



Nigel Farage? Help the once proud Conservative Party morph into UKIP, as the prophecy foretold. He is inevitable.



Rory Stewart? The centrist’s dreamboat. Walk with Rory all the way to Downing Street. Another Old Etonian as PM – what could go wrong?



Vladimir Putin? A real strongman leader who isn’t afraid of breaking international law. A long-time backer of Brexit. Forget Ukraine, Vlad – get your boots on the ground over here in Uxbridge instead!



Sue Gray? The woman of the moment. Surely there’s no one better to change the culture in Downing Street than the civil servant who sifted through the bins full of empty bottles and used condoms. Already has name recognition and a catchy election slogan: “The wait is over: VOTE SUE GRAY.”



Boris Johnson again? Do the dead ever really die?


Call 1922-1776-1945 and submit your choice to Graham Brady now!!!!!!


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