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Doubts have been raised today over whether Boris Johnson is the most perfidious Prime Minister ever to rule Britain after medical records reveal he has an inability to pronounce "mis".

Dixie Rect, Professor of Linguistics from the University of Texas told our reporter "This is a terribly distressing condition for a politician to have. Imagine you wanted to tell a nation it has a world-misleading government but were unable to say mis, or "I mistook him to be a man of honour" when describing say, a cabinet minister friend who turned out to be a crook."


She went on to say "People suffering from speech impediments like these tend to spend so much time focusing on their defect, they forget to do simple things such as brushing their hair, or getting undressed before going to bed, with the consequence that when they appear to have slept in their suit, they probably have.


News of this unfortunate speech imperfection appears to have led to an immediate improvement in the PMs poll ratings.



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The government has today expressed serious concerns about P&O boss Peter Hebblethwaite 'knowingly breaking the law.


'People in authority shouldn't assume the laws of the land don't apply to them if they are inconvenient,' said a government spokesperson. 'They have to understand, we're all in this together. Laws are made so that they all apply to to everyone, regardless of their status, wealth or standing in the community.'


The spokesperson agreed that someone knowing breaking the laws should resign 'immediately'. When asked if that statement applied to government ministers, special advisors and senior Civil Servants the spokesperson appeared to have a coughing fit and hasn't been seen since. We'll bring you the rest of this news story as soon as Hell freezes over, or Sue Gray's report gets published, whichever is the soonest.


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